Each of us has our areas that are our strengths. I know that I can plan and organize. Few things are too overwhelming in this area unless they come too many at one time then that can overwhelm but in a different way. I know I can accomplish the task, I just have to figure out how to be super organized. I also know how to interact with others, especially in an individual, personal way. Even with hard problems, this is usually more satisfying than challenging. For me, my strengths are head and emotional connections but I have never felt very secure in the physical part of me. I always have wondered if this would have been different for me if I would have been a teenager during a time when girls sports were available like they are today. I was a tall teenager and I think I would have had athletic skill but there wasn't girls sports during my high school time. Girls could be cheerleaders or on the drill team. I did love dance, but never felt secure in that are either. So I spent the next 30+ years developing my head. I can pull off smart beyond my actual ability and I have confidence in this area of head. So what do you do when the man you love not only has the strength of head but also confidence in the physical. He wants to hike, walk through the backwoods, carry a pack across desert canyons. He does go to some beautiful places and I do enjoy time with him, so I decide to try "pushing my limits."
We planned this hike for quite sometime. We even found the other couple to trade cars at each side of the river. We would start in Harris Wash on the west side of the Escalante River. They would start in Silver Falls on the east side of the river. We would hike the 16+ miles across, meeting in the middle. We started putting together the things we would need to take for this over night hike. I overthink every possible scenario, therefore, planning too many clothes for me to pack in my backpack, too much food for two days. I'm nervous for days before. I plan and plan because that is my strength. I don't know my body well enough to know if I will be able to meet the task. I don't know if it gets too hard if I will be able to find what I need to finish. The middle of a sandstone canyon without water and a two hour drive to the nearest town, is not the place you want to find out you don't quite have it. My husband can compensate a bit, slow down, move some of my load to his, but he can't carry me back to the car and he sure doesn't want to hear me cry outloud, the whining is almost more than he can take. The beauty of the places we go and the enjoyment of going together, forces me to take on the challenge. I go, scared to death. I go in search of the limits of this body that would have been so much easier to test 30 years ago. I go to prove to myself that I can do this too. And it is always incredibly beautiful and it is time well spent with the man that I love. And I will go again because I have that thing that helps women forget what having that first baby was like and then we have another. And I will put too much stuff in the backpack, and I will cause my stomach to gurgle with nerves, and I will plan with every possible solution at least for the problems I have planned for, and I will find out the boundaries of this 50+ body. And maybe I will love this body even more than I did when it was young and firm.
You faced and met a physical challenge and came through well stronger in spirit I am sure and undoubtedly in body as well. I like hearing about these adventures as they sound like real adventures to me when there is some risk and some stretching of limitations to where you have never gone before. I do think a lot of planning is necessary and check list of what if this happens, what will we do in case. No wonder you had to think about it!
ReplyDeletewow! It does sound like you can come up to the physical challenge when you think it is worth it to spend this special time with your love. It makes you feel good when you accomplish something you didn't know you could do whether it is of the spirit, head or body. I remember riding a horse with Lefair and Mac to McGath lake and back. I whined all the way and Mac kept encouraging me. The man of few words just assumed my determination would take me there and back. I couldn't get out of bed the next morning but the lake was so beautiful I was very happy I went. I never cared to go again but it lives in memory as a lovely day being spent pushing myself to the limit just to prove I wqs a good sport.
ReplyDeleteThe picture proves you actually made it!
ReplyDeleteI think these trips stay in your memory because it was hard, but so very beautiful.
You savor the action and reaction. Two days?
It sounds like you planned for much longer.
I enjoyed this blog discussing your strengths (and weaknesses).
You couldn't have got a more beautiful picture and one that a lot of people haven't seen. I would like to try out my old 70 year old body on a hike or two. I think I still have some in me. Keep it up. I hope you are writing poems about these places as you go. It would probably relieve some of your stress.
ReplyDelete