Sunday, December 13, 2009
Power of Touch
How did we get so far from the incredible power of touch? Touch has been so sexualized that we now have difficulty reclaiming it, therefore making it a missing element from the lives of people who need it most. This last week I began considering my thoughts on this subject as I enjoyed my yoga class a couple of times this week in which the teacher, Constance shares touch as a part of the practice. Her gentle touch assists in making a twist reach just a bit further or reminds me to relax and to breath. During savasana, Constance's gentle massage of my shoulders or the soft touch across my temples brings such memories of my mother's touch that it brings her immediately to my practice even though she has been dead for over twenty years. I suddenly see in my minds eye, her face, her hands, even the way she sucked her teeth when she was deep in thought. My mother wasn't even my most physical parent. But this touch was so much the touch of a mother. My dad, now he is the master of touch. You sit next to him and he will rub your shoulder or pat your hand. He will sit next to you close enough to have the constant of touch while he talks of things that rarely matter. He knows how to hug big and bold each time he sees you. He loves touch as well and will crawl under your hands so they rest on his shoulders to remind you he needs a shoulder massage. His brand of touch was critical to me as I counseled young women who had been sexually abused by those who should have protect them. He helped me erase their guilt a bit of being able to assure them it was nothing they did but it was their father, brother, uncle not them. I believe bringing this most positive touch back to the lives of people could also help reduce the costs of our health care system. A few years ago, my mother-in-law was going to the doctor for every little ache and pain. She is a widow and her doctor is sweet and kind. He pats his mostly senior patients as he checks their blood pressure or listens to their lungs. The first time I went to the doctor with her, I knew that she didn't need any medical diagnosis, she just needed to be touched. I tried suggesting massage instead of doctoring but it wasn't in her comfort zone so I tried to touch her more even though this was not a part of our previous relationship. I think it help both of us feel better. Now in her challenge of dementia, she often doesn't remember my name, she just introduces me as "her sweetheart." So everyday we should all try to restore the power of touch where possible. Allow the sexualization of touch to be allowed only where it is absolutely appropriate and give power and strength to healing touch, to loving touch, to the guiding touch to a friend and fellow traveler in this life.
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Cheryl, this is a 'touching' article. People need much more loving touching. I think of the schools where touch is banned when you could pat a head or give a hug to those who seem to be in need, without worrying about someone thinking it too extreme. In sickness, I think, a touch is healing. I agree with you..touch is needed in the world but how to stop those that take it too far???
ReplyDelete"Doubt" was I thought a good movie about the question of touch in schools, showed how touch could be misinterpreted, but I don't think it takes long for children to realize when a touch is not right. In the meantime I do think touching is a nice thing to do, and many are right out of the habit or never were in it! My kids poke fun at me for giving such little hugs not heartfelt. I really appreciate it when the grandkids are ready to give hearty affection. Seems to be more appreciated in later years since I don't see them too often, the distances we live away from one another. Quite daunting. I remember discussing as kids the relatives we thought were trying to get more out of it than they ought! Uncle George was a fright, Aunt Net's husband, so they would calculate if sitting on his lap was worth getting to drive! If you go too far, kids are sure to pick up on it! But aside from that, I think more touching would be nice.
ReplyDeleteWell, I enjoyed this entry a lot as it is something I have thought about often. In my family we were big touchers. Hugs and even a kiss goodbye if we were leaving for some time. The Hall's were not touchers. Instead of trying in anyway to get them to adapt to my family's way I soon became very use to how they were. They loved each other but it seemed a little cool. In fact Horace thought it was totally inappropriate for a married couple to kiss when someone else was around and let it be known in no uncertain terms when LeFair kissed me as he was leaving the dinner table.(And the house.) Dixie and Maude immediately jumped to the defense of young people showing their love. Horace, of course was not to be budged from his opion. It was not long before I adopted their ways and never tried my family tradition with any of them. By the time the surviver groups came to Boulder, BYU bimch, all their hugging seemed down right strange to me.
ReplyDeleteNow in my old age I am grateful for the friends I have that are huggers. I would love to have a Docter who patted and assured. My primany care Docter is nice and concerned but deffenately in the cool catagory. It was rather a relief to have my heart Doctor shake hands and pat hands. I find nowadays I just put out my hand for a shake first and that seems to work fairly well.
I was always interested in the studys made about babys and how important hugging and touching was to their developement. I always got a kick out of how efisive Linda could be with little children. You knew for sure she loved little people.